For six years, Jacob Clifton wrote recaps of Gossip Girl for the now defunct Television Without Pity that were at least as entertaining as the series. The following was the very end of the very last recap, the link to which has gone dead, and it’s something I revisit at least once every six months since it was posted almost five years ago.
Something About Survival | Gossip Girl “New York, I Love You”, December, 2012
I don’t know who Wayne Chase is, but he said this:
“If a work of art reaches you emotionally, it teaches you something about survival. You may not be able to put it into words, but you remember it.”
XO. Survival is definitely the word. From the outside, from this singular situation I’ve been in, I would say “something about survival” is probably the best way you could say it. The show was looked down on for being about teenage girls, because the only people we’re allowed to shit on are women and young people. And then just as it was proving itself, on the global stage, to be a lot more about that, it changed. And changed again. But whether or not any particular iteration of the show was something that impressed me, it did continue to teach about that. About survival.
When they asked me six years ago what these books were about, I would always say the same thing: “It’s about two girls that love each other so much, they have to hold tight to each other, no matter how many times the one gets screwed over and the other is rewarded for no reason. And this is riveting, because you are always one or the other.” And that ultimately the point is that you will always be one or the other, in every circumstance, so get over it. What you have a choice about is whether or not to feel shame about it. Whether or not any secret is worth the burden of having one.
And now I would say it’s about how you want to watch rich people, but you also want to see them fucked, and that is a lot to ask of yourself, and of a show. It is about whether or not you can look at someone else and what they have, and find it in your heart to remember who you are, independent from your jealousy. That privilege is something to be aware of, not ashamed of. That your only shot in this life of becoming a real person is to move away from whatever’s been handed to you, be that intelligence or beauty or money, and into the places that scare you, because that is how we were designed.
The things that are handed to you are worthless. They do not describe you accurately, because your reputation is your behavior and your behavior is about the things you strive for, not the things you just are. You were put in Ravenclaw, if you’re reading this, at birth: You will spend your entire life trying to get into Hufflepuff, because that is how you win the game. By using the gifts you were given, instead of confusing them for the point; by using art and the people who hurt you to rise above mere survival and into life.
Because the things you get for free when you start the game are merely tools, to help you get to the rest of yourself. Your soul is located elsewhere, out there in the dark – outside the comfy house of your best accomplishments, your greatest gifts – and you have to go and find it. It is in the people you hate, and the people you hurt, and the places that gross you out, and the people who’ve done you wrong, and it’s going to take you the rest of your life. So you should probably get started.
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“something about survival” describes my interaction with media specifically. I’ve discussed how I use fiction and fandom to help me in my struggles with depression and anxiety. It is my default coping mechanism, but also it is how I consume media, and even how I express myself to others. I have, many times, told people “If you want to understand me read this book/watch this movie/pay attention to this character”. Sometimes I go so far as sending them a copy. My friend Sigrid — to whom I’ve done this multiple times for years — told me yesterday she tries “to pick out the Anika character” when she watches media. This the best news for two reasons: 1) she gets me, and 2) she periodically sends me suggestions for what to catch up on and I know I can trust them.
Earlier this week, the same Sigrid (who has a new newsletter everybody should sign up for) posed a question on twitter:
And I was prompted to go into my archive and re-read the Clifton essay I quoted above. Because, I didn’t have an immediate or obvious answer. And I’ve felt that way a lot over the past year or so, ever since Jabba the Hutt decided to run for president and especially after he somehow won. Where do I fit into this new bizarre reality?
A while back there was a meme that went the rounds of social media, ‘post three fictional characters that best describe you’. Here are mine:
Padmé Amidala from Star Wars, Betty Draper Francis from Mad Men, and Allison Cameron from House MD. Possibly a strange trio, but maybe not if you know me. I would describe them, and myself, as “Plucky, demanding, manipulative, lonely idealists who can be overwhelmed by life and need to take a break sometimes, but never, ever, give up.” (For what it’s worth, Gossip Girl‘s Blair Waldorf also fits.) The trait I lean on the most, and take pride in the most, has always been a stubbornly hopeful perseverance. Does that translate as helpful to the Revolution?
“[T]he things you get for free when you start the game are merely tools, to help you get to the rest of yourself.”
It helps me keep going, it helps me keep looking, it helps me keep asking. My sphere of influence is narrow. I don’t let that stop me trying to affect it. How do I fit into the cyberpunk dystopia? You don’t see me. No one notices what I’m doing. Not because I work in the shadows (though sometimes I do). Because I’m not important. But that doesn’t mean I don’t matter. My job is to support others and subvert the system where I can. I do my part, little by little, every day.
